come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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