I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
