so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
