Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
