the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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