i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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