STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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