You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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