Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
