you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
