My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My balls are so social today.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
