mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
