Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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