Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
