Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.