Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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