Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man

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(206): i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man http://tfl.nu/40et

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(205): View more from Alabama

woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

(1-205): View more from Alabama

yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

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(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.

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(612): Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery. http://tfl.nu/hvee

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(207): View more from Maine

No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

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(207): No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have. http://tfl.nu/1nc6

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks

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(717): i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks http://tfl.nu/zwks

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(682): View more from Texas

While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.

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(682): While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird. http://tfl.nu/l3im

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(443): View more from Maryland

I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok

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(443): I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/hllh

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.

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(724): look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means. http://tfl.nu/mq55

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(519): View more from Ontario

Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.

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(519): Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him. http://tfl.nu/z0om

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night

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(+44): i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night http://tfl.nu/5yd2

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(616): View more from Michigan

Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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(616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.

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(781): He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent. http://tfl.nu/jtvv

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

Yep

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(204): I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh? (1-204): Yep http://tfl.nu/wj63

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(954): View more from Florida

i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future

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(954): i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future http://tfl.nu/c3ju

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(931): View more from Tennessee

He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you

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(931): He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you http://tfl.nu/kuvj

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