Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party