so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations