He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.