You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.