making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw