After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize