Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
