I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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