i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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