I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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