Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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