shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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