what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
