he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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