he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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