More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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