My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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