I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk