I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dating After Heartbreak
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them