Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum