I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
