I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
