she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
