Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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