he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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