Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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