I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend