You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear