He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!