At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.