Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen