just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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