it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Randomize
