My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
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If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My vagina is officially offended.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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