I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize