Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.