My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect