i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.