Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else