Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.