Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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