You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
