that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
