im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
