remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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