this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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