he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I could make wine with my vomit
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
