I smell stomach acid.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
BRING THE BAGELS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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