based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
